Being in-charge of a life

After a long time, I am penning down some of my thoughts. This whole year I have been actively engaged with my toddler. I know this is his only childhood that he will cherish for the rest of his life. He started going to play school and then to prenursery class. He needs proper guidance at every step and great examples at home to frame his thinking. No amount of lectures or management skills can work unless you become the example for them. First challenge was him being a late speaker. We talked to him incessantly about anything and everything. Read him books, told him self-made nonsense stories. Gradually he improved a lot....... and finally when he could speak in Assamese properly.... there was a parent teacher meeting at his school where I got feedback about him that he hardly speaks anything in school. She mentioned him knowing everything he's taught at school but is adamant not to speak. He will play, jump, dance with music, listen to anything he's taught, eat his Tiffin, do everything he is asked to do, except for answering a damn thing when asked. She suspected that this is language problem and urged us to start speaking in Hindi at home so that he can reply back to people in Hindi outside his home. Soon after that, however odd it felt at times, we started speaking in Hindi with him throughout day and night. Luckily, kids are great learners and within 2 months,  there was drastic improvement in him, again received as feedback from his school. He started talking, replying back to people in Hindi, started enjoying school more and more since he could now understand everything perfectly. He now has a few partners in crime too. Next came another colossal challenge in front of us. Nursery school admissions for full time schooling where both parents and toddlers are thoroughly interviewed.  Both of us being ambitious parents, we wanted to get him admitted to the best possible school in Noida. We both started keeping our calendars filled up for filling up admission forms of innumerable schools and to attend parent's written as well as verbal interviews in schools.  That was not it. Most importantly, we had to prepare this 2.5 year old to say nursery rhymes..  tell the alphabets and numbers... Identify animals, fruits, vegetables, tell his own name as well as parents name, tell what he ate in breakfast, or tell what he is wearing and which color is it... Etc etc.....  in front of strangers in new schools in another room where they are taken separately for interviews. A lot depended on his mood and on his health, if he doesn't feel well he will never utter a word. We took proper care of his health these 1-2 critical months and for his mood, we bribed him with gems and chocolates to answer all questions his new aunty (teacher) would ask him in different schools. His playschool also conducted regular mock interviews for the children with various schools in Noida to remove children's fear of answering things in front of strangers. Plus we had to save a minimum of 1.5 lakh rupees in order to avoid picking up personal loan for his admission. Haha. This was the most difficult part to be frank. But we managed to do it somehow.  Thankfully all our efforts worked. He got admission in Amity international school, Noida which is considered the second best after DPS.  :)
Soon after this, I also got by B1/B2 visa for travelling to US with 10 year validity.  Might be travelling soon for my project for 2-3 weeks. Hoping to take my son to Disneyland some day. :)

My recent secret to relaxation

Best thing about motherhood that I felt till date is that a ball of cuteness jumps with immense joy the moment I ring the bell of my home after returning from office. He will shriek with excitement , laugh loudly , try to mumble a lot of things and leap onto your lap , and try asking him for a kiss, he will make your cheeks wet. I forget everything in the world after this ! Atleast you definitely forget your managers or TLs face with deadlines written on it !

But the main problem arises after sometime. After hes done with greeting us , he will eventually start to bore out. He's inside the home 24*7  , 7 days of the week, with all that energy ! Imagine us if he had to live that way ! We would become maniacs in a very short span of time. He starts being cranky and will make you clear with his actions that he wants to explore something new, that he wants to go outside. So I made it a ritual to take him to the society park and some other parks nearby everyday after office. Never did I think that this decision will rejuvenate my life everyday ! Everyday I go to the park with him , I become a kid myself with him. We swing , we run , we walk, we see-saw, we look at other happy babies playing around everywhere, we socialise with people other than office. It's when your kid can explore things, see birds, animals (cats , dogs at least), differentiate between animals vs birds, pet animals vs stray , hear other people's languages, look at what games elder kids are playing, feel grass, sand , pebbles, water etc. 

Unknowingly I forget everything that bothers me. When I come back home, I do not even feel it was a weekday. :)

2015 - A year to remember

I was blessed by God with an angel in my arms. My boy. Mikhail. My body was unstable from normal delivery. I was bruised and in pain. But I was relieved that after a long period of time(almost 10 months in stomach) , finally he was in my arms. For first few months it was the usual round-the-clock every 2 hrs breastfeeding. It was difficult. I was used to a comfortable life where at least 8 hrs of sleep was necessary to keep me sane. Here, I was awake whole night and day with rough, short patches of sleep. I cried, for the fear that my will never be normal again. I was inside home for 3 months, without any social life, without any fun. Thankfully, my mom in law was there to always guide me. Very soon, the time came when I had to join back office. I was apprehensive whether I will be able to manage the stressful job at the startup that I was working with , the home , a very small kid and the added responsibilities. God helped us in getting a sweet 13 yr old girl as maid who saved my job. She used to stay at my place to supplement my mom in law at household work from 10 am to 6 pm, during my office hours. I paid her well because I knew what she saved for me ! My career ! At office , my team changed. Got a very nominal increment. I was shifted to a project where not much work pressure used to come. I missed my friends from the former team. I became lonely in office. My sole happiness was at home where the little kid was growing fast and becoming round and round like a rasogolla. :)  But with time, again I made some good friends in the new team also. Everything was good.

But problems love me. :) My husband always travelled from Gurgaon to Noida to his office and back every damn day and it was too tiring for him. We started talking less because of two reasons: 1) he always reached late home and 2) added responsibilities for the small baby who needs much care. Hence, the next target I gave myself was to change my job. I almost died of boredom in office. I made a target to leave the job in 2 months. I started preparing for interviews.

In the meanwhile , the day came when my mom in law went back to Guwahati and my mom came over to take charge over the home. And very soon, my life reverted back to normal because of my comfort level with her. I was back watching TV at home, going for movies, dining out, sleeping well whole night etc. and of course taking my mom for granted. But never did she mind ! She always wanted me to relax and be happy. :)

One day,  thankfully luck favored. Got a good offer from another startup.


We soon shifted our home to Noida. Phew ! It was not an easy task. We became almost bankrupt.
But that was okay, because joining the new company was a absolutely pleasurable experience. Happiness took over. :)  Now I am struggling to be updated with the latest technologies, thanks to the great project we are building from scratch. We have a client facing role that's challenging yet fun. A great team we are. Clients are more friendly and helpful than I ever dreamt of. More like friends in team.  I now don't even know how time passes away in office. Parties and work :) And coming back home from office is more than fun because of the playful kiddo growing up and learning to do more and more naughty stuff. Best part about kids is that you are everything in the world for them, you are showered with more love than you would be able to handle. :) For them , you are the bestest person in this whole world.

Very soon Mikhail , my boy turned 1. :)  We celebrated his birthday in a grand way at a party hall in Shopprix Mall. He is nowadays cheerfully walking around the home and throwing things from home from the balcony all the way down.... So we are doing up down all the time and burning calories ( we take the stairs) :)

 Well, what do you think ? A great year ..  Yes ! The first year of motherhood was not that tough after all. :) I had unnecessarily worried about it so much at the beginning of the year ! Ahhh, useless worries . I will learn to be more positive this year !

Living in fear - a way of life?

This is a very bold post which I have decided to write just to let out the frustration inside me.
One of my bad experiences in Noida.
I left my former job in Gurgaon with a lot of thrill because I started to have monotony in my life. I needed a fresh start , a fresh outlook.
We moved to Noida where I used to live before my marriage, a familiar area with lots of friends and relatives around.
We came here and were pleasantly delighted by the greenery and the number of parks here , the local vegetable markets here has fresh fruits and vegetables from villages, much better in comparison to Gurgaon. We have small shops and local markets to buy small necessities at a walking distance from home. We have tailors everywhere. Mom was happy because our mamaji and mausiji live here with their families at 10 mins distance from our home.
Also, my husband's travel to office vehemently reduced due to which he is available at home by 6:30 pm and he spends much more quality time with our son.
Joining the new company has also been a absolutely pleasant experience  till now.
I was happy to hear from everyone that public transport is good in Noida and we don't need to book Uber cab everytime when my husband is not available, for moving around , like in I used to do in Gurgaon.
So far so good.

BUT, some issues did cropped up.

Once I started using public transport for commuting to office , I was once again exposed to dirty looks of men, no matter how decently I dress.
One day while returning from office at around 6:30 pm, my colleague dropped me halfway to home and then I took a cycle rickshaw because my home was just 10 mins away.
The rickshaw puller used a shortcut to my home which I am quite familiar with. It gets dark soon nowadays because of the winters approaching, and to top that , there was a powercut due which the shortcut road was completely dark. The rickshawala suddenly stopped his rickshaw. I panicked. I am a regular viewer of Crime Patrol and that made my mind to reel through all horrible things that can happen with a lady. I asked, "bhaiya rickshaw kyun roka?". He answered, "andhera hai peshab karna hai maam ek minute mein ata hun." He then went to the side of the road 10 mtrs away from me. I was waiting for him and kept an emergency phone number ready on my phone , just in case something happened. 3-4 minutes afterwards I heard him calling me.."maaam maam". I turned to look at him. He stood staring at me showing his 'u-know-what' from the zip of his pants and started coming towards me like that !!! I jumped down from the rickshaw with the office laptop bag on my back , tiffin box and phone on my hands. I looked around to shout for help but there was no one on the dark road. I started running with all my might, thanks to Almighty that in the morning I had decided to put on flat comfy pump shoes that day and not heels. While running I thought of the android emergency button or calling my husband but by the time anyone comes to save me , he would have definitely pounded upon me. When I caught pace running , I looked back once, to see him starting his rickshaw chasing me, ringing the bell continuously , shouting at me , "maam maam maam, paise to de do". I could feel hot red blood rising in my head due to uncontrollable temper going up and up. How dare he I thought , how dare he !!!!? What was he even expecting out of me ...that ..I won't be able to keep my sexual hunger in control after I see him ??!!!

Had there been people around, I could have shouted for help and would have slapped him tight.
Worst part is that it happened just 5 minutes away from my home at a familiar road , because power was not there that time.

After that day I stopped using public transport in Noida and started using Ola cabs or Uber cabs on everyday basis.

And this is not the first time this has happened to me by lecherous men. I have had to mend my otherwise  logically correct lifestyle to tweak in the danger from beast-like men.
I hate it !!!... it angers me from within !! What do this class of men think ? What pleasure do they get out of this ?

Why in spite of being educated and independent , why do I fear darkness , why do I fear unknown men , why do I fear small roads ?
Why can't we women take public transport even though our homes may be few minutes away ?
Whatttttt is needed to rectify this in India? Or should we continue teach our daughters to live in fear, avoid public transport , shortcut roads and from men and their needs ?

I feel guilty ! Because that rickshaw puller must have been doing the same thing to some other girl on some other route because he did not get beaten up properly that day, to teach him a good lesson for life !! He has the courage to do it again because he thinks he can get away with it...!! Why are some men so sex-starved here that they can stoop to any level to get it from simply anyone , even small kids ?

Too much care?

The battle to live an exorbitant life that should be 'advertisable' anywhere, is leading people to fool themselves into believing that struggling for career growth is the only way to prove love for their family by surprising them with fancy gifts at the drop of a hat , living in an marvelous apartment, dressing up like models and VIPs , and moving around with luxury cars. And STILL !! We often feel the need of vacations from this supposedly-awesome life. On the contrary , when I look back at my prior years of life , I don't remember feeling the need of holidaying just to run away from the normal life. We did not have any luxury then. The only luxury we enjoyed was exceptional relationships with family , friends and neighbors. Everyone around me seemed to care. I remember sulking my face to school one day. I had innumerable friends to ask me what's wrong, it spread like wild fire in the class that Maryam is not doing well and the whole class was up to something crazy to make me smile. We sulked more because we had more people to care. We feigned sickness just to get extra pampering from mom , so that she would bring fresh, hot food to your bed. We looked like extra-lean 'Gawars'. Neither we cared nor did anyone else.

But nowadays, even if we don't feel physically or emotionally well, had a fight with someone close, won a war in the crazy traffic to show up in office , still we have always have the pretentious smile on our faces , we just never sulk on the outside because we know today, there no one who would care, instead you would promptly be labelled as a "negative" entity. I have seen people in my office having heated arguments with someone and 5 mins later you see both the entities smiling and laughing merrily with their own so-called friends circle. They are "vibrant" people. But how is this possible? Because... nobody really cares (other than family of course) . Fighting is very natural thing. They say it is a greatly required skill to be at peace with yourself in the modern times.

And , want to know who cares most nowadays about you ? Yes..........!! it is Myntra, Jabong , Flipkart , Foodpanda, BookMyShow etc etc and what not , who seem dead concerned about us.They care to bring us the almost impossible-to-believe offers for our advantage. They have offers to fight our Monday morning blues, have freshest styles(clothes) for our Tuesday , of course, the don't-cook-Wednesday food offers and the famous Big-Bazaar Wednesday sale , throwback Thursdays (they seem throw us back the money we gave them for purchasing stuff), buy-one-get-one pizza at Dominos and happy hours for Friday. You have the male deo companies promising the males that any sexy girl won't be able to resist on you and would cling tight with your body. VLCC's claiming to help you lose 10 kgs in one month's time. Happy hours on drinks are needed for friends to talk and connect well. Young couples relationships are somehow sustaining and managing on "give and take" policy, instead of love and care.

Till date , I have experimented a lot on attaining peace with myself and for me , I have found that healthy relationships helped me a lot on this. There is no investment required for love or friendship but yes, can make your journey of life much more joyful and full of energy! You can cut down on so much of boredom. Don't fear setbacks/back-stabs so much ... Before you get the setback (if you ever get one, ..... and if you don't , you are lucky for life !) , you will have some of the lives most cherished moments !! By God's grace, I am lucky to have experience some of such moments.  :)

Are we really intelligent?

Last two days were the days we always long for during the whole week. The Weekend.  :)

After a long tiring week , as usual I was planning to be extremely lazy during the weekend by sleeping , cooking special dishes, eating , watching TV or go out for a movie. But , my son , Mikhail sensed that the weekend has arrived because me and my husband were at home and did not leave for office like week days. He was delighted , excited and thrilled to have us the whole day. He was laughing , shouting and jumping the whole day. We were doing all sorts of things to make him sleep, so that we can have some time for ourselves to relax. But he did not. He was just super happy because we were there for him whole day !! By late evening , both of us were very exhausted after playing with him whole day, just because we did not get our afternoon nap. We got a feeling that the whole weekend finished just by playing with him and not by doing our favorite hobbies which helps us to relax. But his energy levels of fun did not lower down.. still his eyes were twinkling with delight, longing to play more.

Finally after dinner, he curled up inside my chest and went to sleep. I heaved a sigh of relief. I looked at his face and realized that God has really created us in the purest form. 

Look at Mikhail. He really knows to count his blessings. He made most of the time he had with us ! As we get more and more brains , we start understanding negative things better than positive things..and over the course of many years , we become impure souls  !

If Mikhail was an adult today , we (me and my hubby) would have been taken for granted during the weekend, and if he knew and understood the fact that we were tired of playing with him , it would have hurt him so much, and it would have some negative effect on his mind and hence his nature ! 

But now , at very young age, kids can see only positive energy around , don't really mind anything , make the most of their time, don't keep anything bottled up in their hearts.  And.... hence they look so charming and attractive, skin so soft , eyes so bright, and so full of energy ! 

As they grow up , they will start taking things for granted, won't be valuing the present situation they are in , they will soon start having egos/sentiments which will eventually start hurting them, they will start feeling jealousy for other peers, lose valuable relationships, and then start feeling lonely. 

Is it all worth it ? As intelligent beings , are we being really intelligent ?

Best compliment which was supposed to be unheard

I don’t know why I have always been a girl who’s usually the first one with, whom close friends will share all their tragedies. It’s a very fond memory about my life. My friends would always forget me in their good and fun times but suddenly I become their best friend when they are in some sort of trouble. I never have had any solution to their problems, and they go away after talking to me with the same problems on their back, but still they will keep turning back to me whenever any other tragedy occurs.

I have never asked them what they like about me so much. Nor do I want to know. I am just happy about the fact that they feel that I am worthy enough for their trust.

Just one fact I know. There’s a girl who’s my close friend (luckily she does not have a Facebook profile now, otherwise I would not share this link). She often came to me with her problems and used to stay over at my place. Her problems were so deep that I sometimes did not even utter a word because I did not know what to say. One day at night I was fast asleep. Her phone rang. She went outside in the balcony so that she would not disturb my sleep. I don’t know who called her. But I heard her saying on the call. “I truly would have committed suicide, had it not for this girl Maryam. Her actions always remind me that life is simple, if we have fewer expectations from life and sometimes let some problems remain the way they are. I know it’s easy to say but I have a friend who actually LIVES this principle. She enjoys almost everything. I have seen it every day in her life”. I did not ask her anything on our morning tea ..

 I don't even know whether I changed over the years or still am that way.

BUT that was the best compliment about me I received so far in my life.